Why I will not celebrate the success of Slumdog Millionaire?

"I puked when I saw that kid smeared in shit asking for Bachchan Saab's autograph. What the f...k was that? Does Danny Boyle know what Bachchan Saab means to us Indians? Who would dare approach him like that?" - Aadesh Srivastava (Aadesh Srivastava who..?)

True, the child should have come draped in silken clothing with nothing less than a Parker pen in his hands to get the autograph to do justice to the stature of the superstar in question. Slumdog Millionaire has smeared our faces with the same shit that the young Jamaal had all over his body and we must puke everything out to regain sanity. Let me join hands with those involved in Slumdog bashing and add my insignificant two cents on it.

I will not celebrate the success of Slumdog Millionaire because Delhi 6 has bombed. Big B is upset. That’s one reason for not celebrating the success of Slumdog Millionaire. Slumdog showed the underbelly of Mumbai while Delhi 6 showed the warmth in the heart of Delhi. Its gross injustice to rate one as superior and the other as an average film with nothing solid besides good music and cinematography to back it up. So what if there was no story in Delhi 6? I agree that the audience was left confused whether it was a docu-drama or a movie but it was Indian in every sense!

I will not celebrate a film made by a Western film-maker. As learned men tell you, we have a fascination for white skin and that’s why a film made by a man from the West is rated as brilliant despite being a collection of clichés of a regular Bollywood potboiler. Salaam Bombay too was made on Mumbai’s underbelly but it never got its due. Isn’t that a reason to believe so? It is another matter altogether that when Salaam Bombay was made 21 years ago, there was hardly an awareness in the Global audience about the Hindi film industry (it won several accolades and an Oscar nomination). It was a time when our industry stalwarts were busy making path breaking films like Toofan and Ajooba rather than doing any cinema to catch the World’s eye. Oh, I got it. They were catering to the Indian audience that liked to see its superhero do crazy stuff in bizarre outfits.

I will not celebrate the success of a film made by an English man. Remember we forced them out of India some 60 years back and they still harp that bitterness against us? It is absolutely out of design that an Englishman wakes up one day and decides to make a film called Slumdog Millionaire based on an Indian novel. We have every right to feel that the Slumdog is actually a reference to all Indians.

I will not celebrate the success of Slumdog Millioanire because the court jesters in the film industry who love to call themselves the ‘film critics’ have showered lavish praises on it. We all know how they are sold out to camps in the industry so let us take this opportunity to show them that they mean a whole load of crap to us by disregarding their review comments on Slumdog Millionaire.

I will not celebrate the success of a film that is regressive in comparison to grand Bollywood fares that depict rich men living in castle like homes and having personal choppers for regular pick and drop from home to office. We are used to seeing people dancing and singing on exotic locations and find it comforting. It is totally the demand of scripts to base all our films in US and UK and for characters to be draped in international brands. Its obviously not done to paint a gloomy picture of India by showing a rioting Mumbai with open lavatories and people maiming kids. Depiction of this aspect of our reality should be understood as the sadist and imperialistic mindset of the west. If you think otherwise, you are probably a western culture obsessed freak who doesn't take pride in his culture or roots.

I will not celebrate the success of Slumdog Millionaire just because it has given our talent a chance to showcase itself on the World scene. Rehman’s music in this film or Gulzar's lyrics was not as good as some of his Hindi/Tamil film work (Dil Se and Taal were superior). Similarly why should the success of a guy like Resul Pookutty who is just a sound engineer give us a reason to celebrate? These people are faceless and are rightly shoved away from popular Hindi film award shows and not allowed to even say a thank you after receiving an award. Why should we care if they are given a podium to stand on and speak for their work? For all of us star struck people (ironically portrayed rightly in Slumdog Millionaire by Jamaal's shit laden avtar), the film is full of aberrations. It is about the dark side of our existence, it is sans any Bollywood star and it is made by an outsider. That gives us ample reason to us to scorn it. Hopefully the hoopla will subside after the Oscar high.

Just a couple of days back, my manager who is from the USA asked me the names of a couple of good Indian films after watching Slumdog Millionaire, I did not flinch thinking that he was actually looking for a film that made a caricature out of India. I ranted 10 names in one breath and did that with a sense of pride.

We have a lot of insecurities about ourselves. That is why we go bonkers when someone shows us any of our dark sides. Slumdog Millionaire is defintely not a classy affair but it has done what its predecessors like Salaam Bombay and Lagaan could not. Chances are ripe that it may just have been because of lobbying, bigger reach and biased mindset of the West but you cannot discount the fact that it gave our talent a bigger window to explore. We are the world’s biggest film industry and it is time we came out of that shell and stopped suspecting a foul play in everything. As the world sways to the beats of the Mozart from Madras, Indian film stalwarts should stop bickering about why an XYZ film received negative reviews while an ABC film did not and work on something worth showcasing. It is time to show them that ignoring India all this while was actually the World's loss and not ours.

Jai Ho!