The Unusual Suspects

Friday, April 24, 2009

Faking is the name of the game. Just as all the action from IPL shifts away from the playing grounds to the controversy raked up by the fake IPL player, I sit back marveling at the guts of this guy who has assumed a cult status. Call him a moron and people reading him as suckers for gossip but you can't write him off. Despite being unseen, he will in all probability be remembered as the face of IPL-2. There is so much of rumor mongering about the identity of the player that I am reminded of the Kala Bandar episode in New Delhi. Everyone seems to have an opinion and the blogosphere is full of “Guess Who” takes on the Fake IPL Player. Not the one to be left far behind, here's my top 5 chart on the suspects:

"If not the ball(s), the A** show gives me the limelight"

Suspect 1 - Sreesanth: Yeah, he touches low levels of self-deprecation by calling himself Appam C****** but come to think of it in a different light. The guy doesn’t miss one chance to hog the limelight. Be it with his pelvic thrusts in the middle of the ground or cry baby act after a match, Sreesanth makes sure that he is talked about for anything even if that is a non-cricketing reason. Now he has given himself a name that is going to stick around for a long-long time hoping that any publicity is good publicity. Sreesanth is my suspect number 1 for that very reason!

"Us thappad ki goonj sunayi di thee mujhe..ab us goonj ki goonj suno"

Suspect 2 – Bhajji: If you don’t buy the logic that Sreesanth would gift himself with a demeaning epithet that’ll stick with him for a long time, then you might agree that only an enemy would christen him so. Who else but Bhajji fits the bill? IPL-1’s biggest talking point was the slapgate involving Bhajji and Sreesanth that saw the star sardar losing out on a number of IPL matches and a hefty amount of money. Sreesanth will not be playing in the IPL so the only way to get even with him was to tackle him off field. Also, going by his knack of making strong comebacks, Bhajji’s candidature for the position of suspect number 2 holds promise.

"Who says that a Gavaskar backs off”

Suspect 3 – Rohan Gavaskar: Out of sight is out of mind. So thought Rohan too. Sunny scorned at the idea of four captain theory of KKR and SRK lashed at him. Rohan Gavaskar then discovered a sense of filial duty and took it upon himself to score over SRK. He had also played for Bengal in Ranji and had played for India under Saurav. Maybe the disrespect shown towards his former captain too ignited the fire. I am sure he must be having ample friends within the KKR team to get the inside dope to churn the masala. Think about it!

"I don't like SRK. He killed Shilpa, our owner, in Baazigar"

Suspect 4 – Yusuf Pathan: I remember watching the Kevin Specey starrer The Usual Suspects and one thing that I learnt from it was to never assume the most usual suspect to be the one behind the crime. There are two reasons why I suspect Yusuf Pathan – 1. He does not know English so no one will suspect him ever while he can get others to write for him and, 2. He has a brother in Irfan Pathan just as the fake IPL player claims to have. Guys, just look at the disdain with which he treated the KKR bowlers the other night. The marauder does harbour some ill feelings against KKR it seems.

"Mili juli sarkaar"

Suspect 5 – Videshi Taaqat: It is a customary ritual to name Videshi Taaqat for all our woes at the very outset. That makes me come to two videshi taaqats. Pakistani and Australian players have every reason to feel jealous of the people playing in the IPL. Why? C'mon, while those guys are sweating it out in the heat of Dubai for peanuts in comparison to their IPL paychecks, their counterparts from other nations are busy minting money in the winter of South Africa. Moreover, no one is talking about them. There is hardly anyone who cares to know if Shahid Afridi took 6 wickets or if Ricky Ponting was playing in Dubai. World cricket's attention is on IPL. The jealousy factor came to play and the players of the two teams joined hands to create the muck. Their involvement in the blog can be cited as the plausible reason of a poor performance on field in the first one dayer they played in Dubai.

I feel sorry for the fringe India players like Aakash Chopra and Ranadeb Bose who might well be nothing more than the usual Deane Keatons in this mystery thriller called “The Fake IPL Player”.

The blogger has not blogged for over a day and a half. Is he close to being caught after 5 days of misadventure? As a cricket frenzied nation, that laps up anything from a God drinking milk to a monkey man with a circuit board on his chests, waits in anticipation, the Kaiser Soze of the plot keeps us all amused with his stories.


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