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Friday, May 7, 2010

I vaguely remember reading a story in a magazine sold on railway stations that talked about a man killed by his own bullet 20 years after firing it. And no, I was not reading any of Rajni film scripts. The man in question had fired a bullet on a person who ducked and the bullet pierced a tree trunk. 20 years later, the same man stood before the tree trying to blow it off. Why not cut it rather than blow it off. Probably the country was Afghanistan! Anyways, when the man blew off the tree trunk, the bullet lying dormant for all these 20 years took its revenge and shot back at him, killing him on the spot.

Today, when I see India TV, I am always reminded of that story and then everything India TV shows in its BREAKING NEWS starts to look plausible. Rajat Sharma, the honcho and his creative colleagues with their haunches, think and spin fabulous stories that catch the fancy of the nation. It’s a battle for TRPs after all and India TV looks confident enough to surge ahead.

When I caught a glimpse of India TV earlier, I felt it was old wine in a new bottle. Ramanand Sagar and B.R. Chopra had done it all in their epic stories Ramayan and Mahabharat. There was no fun watching a BREAKING NEWS story about a man walking on water after watching Duryodhan make a fool of himself in the wonderland called Indraprastha laid out by the Pandavas. Neither did the flying woman create any impression after watching Dara Singh as Hanuman fly over the Indian Ocean to meet Raavana. But slowly, the channel earned people’s respect and made its way up the ladder to emerge as a 500 crore brand. I am sure many of you still don’t believe in the stories carried by this channel because they don't look real. But as Amitabh Bachchan said in a film – “Bahut hi ajeeb-o-gareeb hota hai yey sach, aksar. Asamaanya, adbhut, Kalpana se bhi zyada vichitra hota hai ye sach, aksar!”, I can excuse you for your ignorance. Here’s one story that will probably make you re-think.

Sometime ago, India TV had shown a recorded video of a cow being sucked up in an alien spaceship.

 Fools like you and me mocked at them. Yesterday, when Kirsan LLyumzhinov spoke about talking to aliens after being captured by an alien spacecraft in Russia, Rajat Sharma passed a winning smile sitting here in India. It’s time we realized that India TV is way ahead of its times. Kirsan LLyumzhinov would also vouch for that.

News was never so interesting and salvation never so easy to attain but India TV has made sure that we get it all. Today, we can proudly say that WE are aware. We know which area of our city does the onion seeking witch stays, we know how much does Dhoni measure and we know the path to the stairs of heaven and the gate to the hell. Ascetics in the earlier eras relied on penance and resorted to prayers for ages to know where heaven and hell were. Thanks to television and India TV now, we are just a click away from doing so. I believe this has led to the modern day saints like Ikshadhari Baba and Nityanand Swami being left with a lot of idle time to kill which they utilize to devise innovative methods like Tantrik sex to preach to their followers.

India TV is a channel with a golden heart and I don’t have to look too far to convince you. It has, time and again acted as a communication channel for animals to voice their feelings. Take for example the BREAKING NEWS that showed the twisted love affair between a lion and a lioness. It was able to successfully decrypt the lion’s roar and showed its viewers how the lion proposed to the lioness. Maneka Gandhi has endorsed the channel and now PETA wants India TV head to appear in the buff to support the cause for animals that PETA has been fighting for. PETA for sure couldn’t have found a better ally.

Then there is the very famous celebrity performance show, Aap Ki Adalat. Though the name and the set up give the impression of it being a show where people are grilled, it is not. It is a light hearted show where Rajat Sharma plays a Ram Jethmalani wannabe while the guests do a performance of their choice.

Rajat Sharma: Daler Ji aapPe aarop hai ki aapne kabootarbaazi kari hai. Iske baare mein aapka kya kehna hai?
Daler Mehndi: Bolo tarara ra..

Rajat Sharma: Raju ji suna hai aap politics mein aa rahe hain?
Raju Srivastava:  Mera naya item hai Sholay ka Gabbar wo main aapko sunata hun

Rajat Sharma: Shashi ji kya aap Lalit Modi ke khilaaf court mein move karenge?
Shashi Tharoor: I will show you my favorite about a chiggy-wiggy?

All criticism withstanding, the hair on Rajat Sharma’s head might not stay for long but his India TV will!


Shilpi said...

Good one
Cheers :)

Priyanka said...

Awesome read.. :)
should def be writing a book!!

vishal said...

at its wittiest best !!

Anonymous said...

Just really love you guys… what fantastic and well researched information. Thank you bunches.

Sensible Garbage said...

checked the space after a month. sorry for not responding earlier
@shilpi: thank u :)
@priyanka: i write books but of a different kind!
@robert: Thanks raabert!
@vishal: as they say..the best is yet to come ;)
@anon: thx for praising the painstaking efforts :)

MzGe3 said...

I just have to say that first part is very interesting and is what grabbed my attention. Great way to start the blog... =)

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