SRK snaps ties with Lux Cozi

Kolkata: SRK has snapped ties with Lux Cozi even before the IPL begins. SRK had earlier replaced Sunny Deol as the brand ambassador of Lux Cozi and had also signed a deal to endorse their products through his IPL franchise. The news from the Knight Riders' camp suggests that ever since SRK, or king as his cotorie calls him, heard about Kolkatans protesting against Lux Cozi underwears he became restless. He did not want a repeat of all that he went through during the release of MNIK.

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The Finger Story

“Thou shalt up-'hold' your finger when thy vote is cast”

Before you think of filing a case against the B-family for crossing the levels of decency in public, understand that there is more to the picture than meets the eye. One, it a proud statement to show the faith in democracy and participation in the country's electoral process and two, it conveys that the family does at times contribute to something worthwhile. The gesture withstanding, the image does serve as a free advertisement to tell people to go out and vote if they still can and want to.

To the extent of offending people who might have felt exasperated to see a son, father and a daughter-in-law raising the middle finger, I firmly believe that the image certainly paints a better picture than the one showing Big B praising the golden rule of law in U.P. with his "UP mein dum hai kyunki jurm yahan kam hai" line. The image also projects India as a progressive nation where rich traditional family values have embraced new age rebellious overtures (like finger raising) with ease. I earlier thought that raising fingers and calling names was the copyright of MTV India where “being dirty” is understood as “being cool”.

Talking of cool, Mumbaikars preferred the cool of their home environs to stepping out and voting. For some people, this seems like a surprising behavior when compared to the angst that was on display post 26/11. I don’t see anything odd though. November is a cool month. You love to take a walk by the sea side in the evenings. So they turned out in hordes to light candles then. The weather is different now. Also, there have been no attacks in the last 5 months. So let them enjoy some peace at home. I won’t be surprised if Delhi too gives the elections a miss with a long weekend in sight. You don’t need everyone to vote and come to think of it - 42% of them did turn up to vote, didn’t they? I feel that the election commission’s wish to make Mahi its ambassador for the general elections was a splendid thought. After all an ambassador who was not slated to vote due to his busy schedule would have been just apt to convince people to not vote.

I have unleashed an overdose of voting and elections here so let me just stop it at that. And yes, the Fake IPL player whom I credited with a lot of space here seems to have lost all his ingenuity and goodwill of late. He is repitive and boring now and is certainly fake. Poor Knight Riders look a pale shadow of themselves on the ground. My wishes are with SRK. May God grant his team a consolation win and him a few more weddings to dance in.

Amen!

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The Unusual Suspects

Faking is the name of the game. Just as all the action from IPL shifts away from the playing grounds to the controversy raked up by the fake IPL player, I sit back marveling at the guts of this guy who has assumed a cult status. Call him a moron and people reading him as suckers for gossip but you can't write him off. Despite being unseen, he will in all probability be remembered as the face of IPL-2. There is so much of rumor mongering about the identity of the player that I am reminded of the Kala Bandar episode in New Delhi. Everyone seems to have an opinion and the blogosphere is full of “Guess Who” takes on the Fake IPL Player. Not the one to be left far behind, here's my top 5 chart on the suspects:

"If not the ball(s), the A** show gives me the limelight"

Suspect 1 - Sreesanth: Yeah, he touches low levels of self-deprecation by calling himself Appam C****** but come to think of it in a different light. The guy doesn’t miss one chance to hog the limelight. Be it with his pelvic thrusts in the middle of the ground or cry baby act after a match, Sreesanth makes sure that he is talked about for anything even if that is a non-cricketing reason. Now he has given himself a name that is going to stick around for a long-long time hoping that any publicity is good publicity. Sreesanth is my suspect number 1 for that very reason!

"Us thappad ki goonj sunayi di thee mujhe..ab us goonj ki goonj suno"

Suspect 2 – Bhajji: If you don’t buy the logic that Sreesanth would gift himself with a demeaning epithet that’ll stick with him for a long time, then you might agree that only an enemy would christen him so. Who else but Bhajji fits the bill? IPL-1’s biggest talking point was the slapgate involving Bhajji and Sreesanth that saw the star sardar losing out on a number of IPL matches and a hefty amount of money. Sreesanth will not be playing in the IPL so the only way to get even with him was to tackle him off field. Also, going by his knack of making strong comebacks, Bhajji’s candidature for the position of suspect number 2 holds promise.

"Who says that a Gavaskar backs off”

Suspect 3 – Rohan Gavaskar: Out of sight is out of mind. So thought Rohan too. Sunny scorned at the idea of four captain theory of KKR and SRK lashed at him. Rohan Gavaskar then discovered a sense of filial duty and took it upon himself to score over SRK. He had also played for Bengal in Ranji and had played for India under Saurav. Maybe the disrespect shown towards his former captain too ignited the fire. I am sure he must be having ample friends within the KKR team to get the inside dope to churn the masala. Think about it!

"I don't like SRK. He killed Shilpa, our owner, in Baazigar"

Suspect 4 – Yusuf Pathan: I remember watching the Kevin Specey starrer The Usual Suspects and one thing that I learnt from it was to never assume the most usual suspect to be the one behind the crime. There are two reasons why I suspect Yusuf Pathan – 1. He does not know English so no one will suspect him ever while he can get others to write for him and, 2. He has a brother in Irfan Pathan just as the fake IPL player claims to have. Guys, just look at the disdain with which he treated the KKR bowlers the other night. The marauder does harbour some ill feelings against KKR it seems.

"Mili juli sarkaar"

Suspect 5 – Videshi Taaqat: It is a customary ritual to name Videshi Taaqat for all our woes at the very outset. That makes me come to two videshi taaqats. Pakistani and Australian players have every reason to feel jealous of the people playing in the IPL. Why? C'mon, while those guys are sweating it out in the heat of Dubai for peanuts in comparison to their IPL paychecks, their counterparts from other nations are busy minting money in the winter of South Africa. Moreover, no one is talking about them. There is hardly anyone who cares to know if Shahid Afridi took 6 wickets or if Ricky Ponting was playing in Dubai. World cricket's attention is on IPL. The jealousy factor came to play and the players of the two teams joined hands to create the muck. Their involvement in the blog can be cited as the plausible reason of a poor performance on field in the first one dayer they played in Dubai.

I feel sorry for the fringe India players like Aakash Chopra and Ranadeb Bose who might well be nothing more than the usual Deane Keatons in this mystery thriller called “The Fake IPL Player”.

The blogger has not blogged for over a day and a half. Is he close to being caught after 5 days of misadventure? As a cricket frenzied nation, that laps up anything from a God drinking milk to a monkey man with a circuit board on his chests, waits in anticipation, the Kaiser Soze of the plot keeps us all amused with his stories.

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IPL - 2: The Fake IPL Player Masala

So, you thought that IPL-2 despite its twists and turns was missing the hype and hoopla of season 1. That's what I thought too until I chanced upon this wittily and intelligently written blog that is attracting readers in hordes. It is from a 'supposed' IPL player who is not a part of the playing eleven but leaks out dope that is ruffling a few feathers in South Africa.

There are a lot of conjectures about who this guy could be. I find it hard to believe that the guy is a player because he has much better writing skills than expected from a cricket player. Moreover, no one will ruin his or her own career and also land in a soup for writing with malicious intent. this guy definitely chooses the most hillarious names for characters on and off the cricket field. Sample these: Kaan Mooloo, Pedophile Priest, Appam C******, Havaii Chappal, Dildo and many more. After reading one of the blogs at Cricinfo, I came to know that the Team Management at KKR has taken a serious note of it and are frantically searching for the person behind it. This guy meanwhile is on a spree spewing venom with his writing.

First the dilly dallying on where and when to conduct the IPL and now this new controversy. The real action, this time for IPL, is not on the field but off it! Do have a look at the blog and I am sure that all of you who have interest in cricket but are not purists, like solving mystery puzzles, and love to savor spicy gossip or have time to kill like yours truly will follow it with a lot of interest.

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