An Open Letter to John Buchanan (Kolkata Knight Riders)

Dear Mr. Bokkanun,

In the name of Kaali Maa and weeth utmost respect, I am here to politely protest against your policies. They haib caused us Bhodrapurush a lot of heartache back in India as well as all obher the waarld.

I condemm the bias that all you Australiens seem to haib against our ShoravDa. Faast, it was Greg Chappell and now it ees you. From what I hear on televijeon, you haib not stopped at Dada bashing and are illtreating our other fellow Bangaalis in the team by calling them names in racial tone. Ees it to satiate your racial thaast that you phloated the idea of haibing more phoren players in the side? It ees Indian Preemeer Leegue not Australien eef you don't know.

Talking of kaumpojour, we have given you a very long rope to walk on and all that you haib done ees to paarfom a bungee jump with it straight to the bottom of the standings tabool at IPL. 10 sapport staph for 20 players! Are we talking of an Indian Olympic Kontingency here? It ees wee who pay phor your laaxureez. Wee buy the Colas that your team owner sells, wee buy the "Khan 12" T-shorts even though our prephernce is for Shorav jerseys and we spend hours watching the team go down in despair despite knowing the result bephorehand.

Wee did not say a word when you guys dropped Kolkata from the team name. Wee did not protest when Dada was remoobhed from captaincy and you wanted multeepull captains phor a 11 man team. But now the water has crossed over the daanger mark. Its been a long time seence wee sat on a dhaarna and wee are itching to seet on oane. You are saved of the protest just because it ees too hot in Kolkata these days. Wee haib ordered for your effigies to be built so that wee can baarn them. Call it your good laak that since your Knight Riders cricket operations team ees so huge, it ees taking time for the arteest peepoll to deliver on time.

I wood haib reetaen more but it ees 12 o'clock noon and I need to brake phor laanch. I haib brought maachhar-jhol and I don't want to waste my time talking to you when I can go and sabhor my faibhrate dish. Treat this letter as a warning and rephrain from gibhing us more reejons to boycott you and outst you. Do not ignite our passions aatherwise the Baangla kilour insteenct wheel wake up and ensure that you raan phor cobher once the tournament gets obher.

Yours phaithphully,

Chaurandas

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The Finger Story

“Thou shalt up-'hold' your finger when thy vote is cast”

Before you think of filing a case against the B-family for crossing the levels of decency in public, understand that there is more to the picture than meets the eye. One, it a proud statement to show the faith in democracy and participation in the country's electoral process and two, it conveys that the family does at times contribute to something worthwhile. The gesture withstanding, the image does serve as a free advertisement to tell people to go out and vote if they still can and want to.

To the extent of offending people who might have felt exasperated to see a son, father and a daughter-in-law raising the middle finger, I firmly believe that the image certainly paints a better picture than the one showing Big B praising the golden rule of law in U.P. with his "UP mein dum hai kyunki jurm yahan kam hai" line. The image also projects India as a progressive nation where rich traditional family values have embraced new age rebellious overtures (like finger raising) with ease. I earlier thought that raising fingers and calling names was the copyright of MTV India where “being dirty” is understood as “being cool”.

Talking of cool, Mumbaikars preferred the cool of their home environs to stepping out and voting. For some people, this seems like a surprising behavior when compared to the angst that was on display post 26/11. I don’t see anything odd though. November is a cool month. You love to take a walk by the sea side in the evenings. So they turned out in hordes to light candles then. The weather is different now. Also, there have been no attacks in the last 5 months. So let them enjoy some peace at home. I won’t be surprised if Delhi too gives the elections a miss with a long weekend in sight. You don’t need everyone to vote and come to think of it - 42% of them did turn up to vote, didn’t they? I feel that the election commission’s wish to make Mahi its ambassador for the general elections was a splendid thought. After all an ambassador who was not slated to vote due to his busy schedule would have been just apt to convince people to not vote.

I have unleashed an overdose of voting and elections here so let me just stop it at that. And yes, the Fake IPL player whom I credited with a lot of space here seems to have lost all his ingenuity and goodwill of late. He is repitive and boring now and is certainly fake. Poor Knight Riders look a pale shadow of themselves on the ground. My wishes are with SRK. May God grant his team a consolation win and him a few more weddings to dance in.

Amen!

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IPL - 2: The Fake IPL Player Masala

So, you thought that IPL-2 despite its twists and turns was missing the hype and hoopla of season 1. That's what I thought too until I chanced upon this wittily and intelligently written blog that is attracting readers in hordes. It is from a 'supposed' IPL player who is not a part of the playing eleven but leaks out dope that is ruffling a few feathers in South Africa.

There are a lot of conjectures about who this guy could be. I find it hard to believe that the guy is a player because he has much better writing skills than expected from a cricket player. Moreover, no one will ruin his or her own career and also land in a soup for writing with malicious intent. this guy definitely chooses the most hillarious names for characters on and off the cricket field. Sample these: Kaan Mooloo, Pedophile Priest, Appam C******, Havaii Chappal, Dildo and many more. After reading one of the blogs at Cricinfo, I came to know that the Team Management at KKR has taken a serious note of it and are frantically searching for the person behind it. This guy meanwhile is on a spree spewing venom with his writing.

First the dilly dallying on where and when to conduct the IPL and now this new controversy. The real action, this time for IPL, is not on the field but off it! Do have a look at the blog and I am sure that all of you who have interest in cricket but are not purists, like solving mystery puzzles, and love to savor spicy gossip or have time to kill like yours truly will follow it with a lot of interest.

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